Mobile versionTwo women meet. One is very sad. Another one asks her:
- What happened? Why are you sad?
- Just imagine: yesterday I was with my lover - he’s so affectionate, gentle, neat and charming, he’s just an ace in bed! He fucked me so much that when I returned home I was just flying on wings, real happiness...
- So why are you sad? You should be happy!
- Yeah... And at home, just imagine, my husband - a dirty, drunk, smelly, unshaven pig - took me and fucked me in his own way!
Jokes about sex ⇐ Half-truths and fantasies
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Anonymous
The hare approaches the bear’s den and shouts: “Children, is mother at home?”
The hare approaches the bear's den and shouts:
– Children, is mother at home?
– No.
– Tell her that if I were, I would have her fucked.
The next day the same thing repeats. On the third day, the cubs got fed up and told their mother everything. The next day, the hare comes again and shouts:
- Children, is mommy home?
Then the bear suddenly jumps out of the den, the hare takes off, the bear follows him - and gets stuck between two trees. The hare walks around her and says:
– Well, I understand, it’s ugly, unethical, inconvenient, but I promised it to the cubs!
– Children, is mother at home?
– No.
– Tell her that if I were, I would have her fucked.
The next day the same thing repeats. On the third day, the cubs got fed up and told their mother everything. The next day, the hare comes again and shouts:
- Children, is mommy home?
Then the bear suddenly jumps out of the den, the hare takes off, the bear follows him - and gets stuck between two trees. The hare walks around her and says:
– Well, I understand, it’s ugly, unethical, inconvenient, but I promised it to the cubs!
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Anonymous
A man comes to the doctor: - The doctor is not worth my dick, what should I do? - Well it...
A man comes to the doctor:
-The doctor doesn’t give a fuck about me, what should I do?
- Well, it’s fixable, take these pills, one at a time for 5 days after lunch, everything will be fine.
Well, the man comes home and thinks: why wait so long? And I immediately ate 5 tablets.
After 5 minutes I stood up to him and rushed off. He fucked his wife 10 times, and he’s still standing. The wife is already crying. She ran away to her friend.
The man is in awe. He shuddered about 15 times. His hands hurt, but he stood. I went to the barn and fucked all the living creatures that were there. Did not help. I went to my neighbor.... In general, I fucked the whole village, all the cattle that were in the village. It doesn’t help.
The whole village gathered with their things and with the cattle they ran into the forest and hid, freaked out by this situation. They are afraid of the guy - he fucked everyone half to death.
The guy calls the doctor and says that this is such crap, it doesn’t fall and that’s all.
The doctor tells him:
And you take the wires and tie them to your penis and put them in a socket to kind of give an electric shock, and everything will go away.
And in the forest, the old grandfather sends a little kid - like, go and see whether the guy has calmed down or not.
The little guy comes and sees the picture - man tied the dick to the wires and pokes the other ends into the socket. He runs back into the forest and tells people:
- HANA EVERYONE, HE PUT THE FUCK ON CHARGER!!!
-The doctor doesn’t give a fuck about me, what should I do?
- Well, it’s fixable, take these pills, one at a time for 5 days after lunch, everything will be fine.
Well, the man comes home and thinks: why wait so long? And I immediately ate 5 tablets.
After 5 minutes I stood up to him and rushed off. He fucked his wife 10 times, and he’s still standing. The wife is already crying. She ran away to her friend.
The man is in awe. He shuddered about 15 times. His hands hurt, but he stood. I went to the barn and fucked all the living creatures that were there. Did not help. I went to my neighbor.... In general, I fucked the whole village, all the cattle that were in the village. It doesn’t help.
The whole village gathered with their things and with the cattle they ran into the forest and hid, freaked out by this situation. They are afraid of the guy - he fucked everyone half to death.
The guy calls the doctor and says that this is such crap, it doesn’t fall and that’s all.
The doctor tells him:
And you take the wires and tie them to your penis and put them in a socket to kind of give an electric shock, and everything will go away.
And in the forest, the old grandfather sends a little kid - like, go and see whether the guy has calmed down or not.
The little guy comes and sees the picture - man tied the dick to the wires and pokes the other ends into the socket. He runs back into the forest and tells people:
- HANA EVERYONE, HE PUT THE FUCK ON CHARGER!!!
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Flagellants
Lecture at the institute
Lecture at the institute. Professor:
- Before I name the topic of today’s lecture, I want to recall an incident from my own life. When I was a student, I liked one girl. My friend liked her too. She gave preference to him, and I was left with my nose. But the young man, my friend, fucked so well that the whole house could hear it. So, the topic of today’s lecture is “Fundamentals of Thermodynamics.”
- Professor, what is history for?
- They don’t give it to physicists, that’s why
- Before I name the topic of today’s lecture, I want to recall an incident from my own life. When I was a student, I liked one girl. My friend liked her too. She gave preference to him, and I was left with my nose. But the young man, my friend, fucked so well that the whole house could hear it. So, the topic of today’s lecture is “Fundamentals of Thermodynamics.”
- Professor, what is history for?
- They don’t give it to physicists, that’s why
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Anonymous
A traveler
Once a man was walking through the taiga. Got lost. It got dark. Doesn't know what to do,
where to go.
Started to freeze. Suddenly he sees a light burning nearby. The house approaches.
Knocks. A woman opens the door.
He: - Please let me spend the night.
She: - We know you - first you spend the night, then you eat, and then you grab your ass!
He: - No, no, The young lady is very cold, I need to warm up and spend the night!
She: - Well, come in.
She sees that the man is really cold and tired - he thinks "can he give me some food?"
He offers . The man, naturally, agrees.
Having eaten a hearty meal, he leans back in his chair with
satisfaction, pulling out the excess from
his teeth, and says:
- What are you Did she talk about fucking?
where to go.
Started to freeze. Suddenly he sees a light burning nearby. The house approaches.
Knocks. A woman opens the door.
He: - Please let me spend the night.
She: - We know you - first you spend the night, then you eat, and then you grab your ass!
He: - No, no, The young lady is very cold, I need to warm up and spend the night!
She: - Well, come in.
She sees that the man is really cold and tired - he thinks "can he give me some food?"
He offers . The man, naturally, agrees.
Having eaten a hearty meal, he leans back in his chair with
satisfaction, pulling out the excess from
his teeth, and says:
- What are you Did she talk about fucking?
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Anonymous
The man went on a bear hunt. Found a den, shot with a doublet, climbs into...
The man went on a bear hunt. I found a den, shot with a doublet, climbed into it and there was a living bear.
- Why did the guy want to kill me?
- Yes... . .
—well then choose either I’ll tear you up or I’ll fuck you in the ass.
The man thought and agreed to the second.
The bear fucked him, the man returned to the village, took a more powerful gun and more cartridges , returned to the den and shot everything. He climbs into it and there the same bear is alive and everything will happen again.
A completely angry man returns home, takes grenades, the machine gun returns to the den, throws grenades, shoots with a machine gun. He climbs in again and there a bear sits in the smoke and asks in surprise: Man, I can’t understand, are you a hunter or a fag?
- Why did the guy want to kill me?
- Yes... . .
—well then choose either I’ll tear you up or I’ll fuck you in the ass.
The man thought and agreed to the second.
The bear fucked him, the man returned to the village, took a more powerful gun and more cartridges , returned to the den and shot everything. He climbs into it and there the same bear is alive and everything will happen again.
A completely angry man returns home, takes grenades, the machine gun returns to the den, throws grenades, shoots with a machine gun. He climbs in again and there a bear sits in the smoke and asks in surprise: Man, I can’t understand, are you a hunter or a fag?
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Anonymous
The Count wakes up in the morning. He looks around, getting out of bed, and sees the maid...
The Count wakes up in the morning. He looks around, getting out of bed, and sees the maid cleaning up. - My child, where is the countess? - She'll come downstairs. The Count fucked the maid. He goes downstairs and asks the cook in the kitchen: “Where is the countess?” - And she went to the garden! He fucked the cook too. He goes into the garden, and there is a gardener. - Tell me, child, where is the Countess? — I deigned to take a swim in the pool. The count and the gardener raped. He approaches the pool, looks, the Countess is swimming there. - Countess, my soul, here you are! Otherwise I’m already tired of looking for you!!!...
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